I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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