FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
