Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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