no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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