I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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