Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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