girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
