Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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