as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
