Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
