I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
