i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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