Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
