tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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