If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
