youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
