New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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