Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
