Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
