Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
