So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
