i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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