He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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