at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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