Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
