awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
