Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
