toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
