Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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