I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
