She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
oh god the rape fog is back!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
