wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
