why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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