Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
