Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm getting married
To pizza
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
