I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
me + whiskey = a bad person
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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