please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
