I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
