i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
