I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
