look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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