I am puke
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I deserve this hangover.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
