Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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