My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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