So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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