I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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