I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
