this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize