Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
