...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
