you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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