why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
me + whiskey = a bad person
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
