Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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