She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
