If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
