i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
