I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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