when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize