I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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