Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hippo gnu deer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
