I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
