I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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