come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
