I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
