Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize