I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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