So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
