Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
