I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
