youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
