I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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