Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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