she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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