We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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