I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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