When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
