Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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