I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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